New York
Roleplay (Started 8/29/23, ended 11/7/23) Three parts.
Blue text written by Mel, the owner of Jo.
Takes place around January of 1966 when the Bloodhounds take a trip to New York for their latest tour- their first time playing on the east coast.
Part Three: Breakdown
The sound of keys softly jangling filled the empty hallway of the hotel. Jo stood, her hands shaky, as she struggled to unlock the door to her room. Hastily, she stepped inside, locking herself in mere seconds later. She was unbelievably worn out. They had just completed their second show in New York, and while the rest of the band went out to celebrate the successes of it, Jo had chosen to opt out and stay back. Every ounce of her energy had been poured into the performance, and now all she craved was rest. As she ventured further into the room, her attention was caught by her reflection in the mirror that hung neatly on the wall. A look of disgust formed on her face as she saw the sight before her. Her cheeks were flushed a bright red, her makeup was smudged, and her bangs, damp with sweat, stuck to her forehead. She looked like a real mess.
"I have got to get cleaned up..."
Inhaling deeply, she allowed her legs to carry her into the bathroom. The familiar routine gave her a moment of peace as she turned on the faucet, its steady flow filling the room with the soothing sound of rushing water. She removed her glasses and undressed, leaving her clothes and worries outside of the door.
Stepping into the warm embrace of the water, she felt her tensions melt away, providing a momentary escape from the chaos of the day. Soon though, she had to reluctantly bring her shower to an end. Jo emerged from the bathroom, leaving behind a billow of steam. Making her way over to her bags, she slipped into one of her silk nightgowns. Jo took a brief pause to feel the smooth fabric against her skin. The softness was comforting, allowing her to let out a deep breath as she relaxed. She wandered over towards the bed, gently lowering herself onto the mattress. As she settled down, a sense of relief washed over her. The pressures of the day seemed to fade into the background, replaced by a welcomed sense of peace. Finally being able to sit back, Jo took a moment to collect her thoughts.
It had been four days since the Bloodhounds had arrived in New York, and Jo had mostly enjoyed her time there. Though the first night had been slightly awkward, sharing a room with Emile had proven to be unexpectedly delightful. She had grown closer to him, experiencing a nice change from her usual interactions with Doc. Finally being alone with her thoughts, she had plenty of time to truly think about her relationship with Doc, and unfortunately, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Their marriage was a lie, simply an excuse to keep him out of the war. However, her feelings for him were nothing but real. It absolutely killed her to witness him bring home a string of new women every other night. Jo realized that she was putting so much love and effort into something that was essentially nothing. She cared for him, and as far as everyone else was aware, they were a perfectly happy couple. She didn't even notice she had begun crying until she felt the burning sensation of her tears rolling down her cheeks. The weight of it all crashed down upon her harshly, causing her to let out a sob as she fell back onto the sheets behind her.
~~~
Shows hadn't always been stressful for the Bloodhounds' lead singer. When they were still Shannon and The Surfers, he'd found them to be nothing but fun. There wasn't any sense in impressing the audience with a particularly special show, at least not in his head. But this new tour made him realize what fame really meant. For even Emile, he wasn't just coming to have a good time with the crowd anymore.The show was far more important than that. As such, he put his entire heart and soul into his performance. By the end of it, he was no less of a sweaty mess than the rest of them, limbs exhausted and voice almost spent. He was quite relieved by then to walk off the stage at last. It was yet another successful show and he looked forward to sleeping it off for a week or two- only the band would have to do it all over again in a day.
For the time being, celebrating afterwards was usually a time of peace for Emile. It was one of the few moments that the entire band could just enjoy each other's company. Even Doc and Obie rarely argued when the group went out. On a hectic night like this, he figured he could use all the simplicity he could get. To his disappointment, however, Jo refused to come along. Emile kept his smile on as the band made their way to a cafe after dropping her off, assuming her absence wouldn't do much. But when they made it to their seats and eventually made their order, his boredom was growing quickly. It felt like there was nobody for him to talk to. Not to mention that the noise of the place was quite overwhelming. He kept his head low, imagining all the other places he'd rather be right that second. Eventually a small folk band came up to the stage, and while Shannon, Ed, and Obie sat up and cheered excitedly, Emile slouched further into his chair, hardly in the mood.
"Can we please go back to the hotel?" He had groaned several times, "I'm tired."
At long last the group gave in. As they were walking out the door, however, the guitarist in the group happened to spot them and called them out through the mic. The whole cafe rang with the cheers of fans. Even when they were finally unlocking the door to their hotel room, the little moment was all the group could talk about. At least, the other three spoke excitedly while Emile only responded with the occasional "Yeah" or "Mm-hm", trying to smile. That being said, he was already in a better mood when he stepped inside. The familiar place was a comforting sight after the long and stressful day he'd just had. It always kept its promise of peace and quiet, soft pillows, and warm blankets. But sleep only came second to what he really wanted. He approached the private bedroom that he'd shared with Jo for the past three nights, gently knocking on the door.
"Sweets? Are you in there?" Emile asked with some renewed excitement in his voice, putting his ear up against the wood. He looked forward to hearing her voice again, hoping she wasn't already asleep. By now, he'd grown very used to spending each night with her. Although they were still just friends, it no longer felt weird for them to sleep together. In fact, it was very welcome in this strange new place where he usually might not get any sleep at all.
~~~
As the sound of Emile's voice and his gentle knock at the door fell upon her ears, she paused. Jo swore her heart stopped for just a second, her breath catching in her throat at the sudden interruption. Hastily, she sat upright, using her sleeve to erase the remnants of tears that still clung to her eyes. However, her efforts were in vain. Her once bright eyes now appeared red and puffy, her cheeks blotchy and tear stained. With hesitant steps, Jo gathered the courage to approach the door, hoping she'd spoken loud enough for Emile to hear her. "Just a second," she mustered out, her voice carrying a delicate tremor. "I-I'm just getting dressed..."
Knowing she'd have a few moments to collect herself, she retreated to the bathroom. Jo gingerly turned the knob to the sink, cupping her hands beneath the gushing stream so she could splash her face. As the coolness hit her skin, she hoped that it would wash away the evidence of her distress. However, as her gaze met her reflection once again, it looked the exact same. Disappointed, she let out a sigh and turned off the faucet. Jo shook her hands dry as she stood alone. All she could do now was hold on to the hope that Emile would be oblivious to her fragile state. Once she emerged from the bathroom, apprehension welled up inside of her as she wandered over to the front door. She let out another soft breath as she slowly pulled it open. A faint smile played on her lips as she saw Emile, standing excitedly, waiting for her.
~~~
Pulling himself off the door, Emile waited patiently for her to come out. Before long, however, his eyes began to wander as he fiddled his fingers. It was uncharacteristic for Jo to take this long. Now he recalled how late she had answered his knock, something that initially felt like a trick of his excitement. Just as Emile let out an exhausted sigh, dropping his shoulders, the doorknob turned. His back straightened once more when he saw her face at last, and he rushed through the doorway.
"Oh, there you are, Sweets!" With a big smile on his face, he put his hands softly on Jo's shoulders- the closest thing to a hug that he knew was appropriate. His bright brown eyes met hers, but he apparently didn't notice the redness of her own. "I missed you so much! I mean, not that I didn't have any fun at all, you know, but it's a shame you weren't there."
Emile then turned away, taking a moment to pace towards the wall and back towards Jo again. "You should've seen the others," He went on, running a hand through his hair, "They were all happy-like 'cause a clot of fans recognized us. You know how it is."
~~~
As Emile's hands gently settled on her shoulders, Jo's body slumped, succumbing once again to what seemed to be a never-ending well of tears that plagued her. Biting down on the inside of her cheek, she swiftly wiped the evidence away while closing the door behind him. Despite her inner turmoil, a small smile played on her lips, observing the excitement radiating from Emile as he animatedly shared the band's recent shenanigans she had missed. "I missed you too, man. You'll have to fill me in later," she managed to utter, her regret for not joining the rest of the group starting to seep in. It wasn't about missing out on the fun, but rather she would've preferred to have some sort of distraction from how she felt now.
Jo found her way back to their bed, her eyes fixated on Emile who was pacing around the room explaining everything the band did. As she stared off, she grew lost within her thoughts, his voice fading out. She fought the idea of confiding in him, of allowing herself to be vulnerable and share how she truly felt. She was trapped within her own mind, yearning for someone whom she could trust, someone who could offer comfort and understanding. The struggles of her relationship with Doc were like two ton weights pulling her down. All she wanted to do was just really let everything out. She let out a sigh, her gaze drifting down to her now trembling hands. Jo brushed her hair back, drawing in a deep breath as she turned to face Emile. "Hey, Em, I know it's-... It's out of the blue but," She paused, trying to collect her thoughts so she wouldn't seem like a mess. "Can I talk to you about something? I just- I really feel like I'm losing my mind here."
~~~
Abruptly stopping in his tracks, Emile turned to face her, his eyes widening a little. Eventually he shrugged, his hands dropping to his sides. "Why, sure, we can talk about anything," He replied at a very slow pace compared to his earlier ramble, sounding a little hesitant. In the years that he'd known Jo, they'd spoken endlessly about music, shows, books, and the like. As entertaining as she was, she never once seemed to lose interest in what he had to say like other people often did. In any case, their conversation was almost always to their own whims. It was unusual as such to hear her make such a request. Something was clearly different.
As the Emile drew closer towards the bed, he finally got a good look at her face. Even he could get the hint that something was up by then. Her usual smile was nowhere to be seen. Her smooth cheeks were redder than usual, too, as were her eyes. A frown pulled at Emile's lips as his chin lowered to look at her. Memories played in the back of his head of how upbeat she seemed at the start of the trip. The happy images were in stark contrast to how she looked now. Only something really serious would make her lose her spark like this. At last he spoke, his voice soft and concerned. "Jo... is somethin' wrong?"
~~~
Her usual vibrant and lively demeanor had vanished without a trace. A heaviness pressing down upon her chest as tears streamed down her face, leaving her feeling like a complete mess in front of him. With a sniffle, she fought to find the right words, struggling to compose herself. "I can't stop thinking about Doc..." Her voice trailed off, interrupted by the need to wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm almost relieved he's not here. Is that terrible to say?" The words caught in her throat, choked up by the emotions that were consuming her.
Jo began to let out soft sobs, her sleeve now saturated from the constant wiping of her eyes. She already felt terrible enough and the last thing she wanted was to burden Emile with her pain. To her, he was like a little brother, and the thought of him seeing her in such a vulnerable state was extremely embarrassing. Her mind wandered back to Doc, the regret of falling so deeply for him seeping through her every thought.
"The whole world thinks we're a match made in heaven, all those magazines- and the interviewers. They just love asking questions," Jo murmured, her voice hoarse and crackly from the tears. "I do love him, I really do, but it's exhausting pretending everything is fine." Every now and then, Doc would show affection towards her, which only added to her confusion. They would often share such sweet and intimate moments that made it difficult for her to discern if her love for him was reciprocated. The constant questioning about their marriage, the countless articles and pictures, she wished their marriage was the way the media made it out to be.
~~~
Seeing Jo cry was the last thing Emile expected. She always appeared so optimistic around him, after all, too nimble for stress to catch her. He would've only dreamed of being as in control as she. But now the woman he'd placed above himself sat before him with tears in her eyes, suddenly looking tiny in her silk gown. Emile bit his lip nervously, clasping his hands near his chest. He felt as if he was witnessing something he really shouldn't, and yet he couldn't look away. He knew he had to do something. It broke his heart to imagine Jo being in such distress, much less see it.
As she shakily spilled her worries, however, his mind was at a bit of a loss. His eyes widened as he stood there, unable to answer her question. Up until now, he assumed like everyone else that her and Doc were as happy as a couple could be. Then again, they would've been married for a reason, right? Emile never thought to look much further into it. Now his perception of their relationship was thrown for a loop with just a few sentences. Even on its own it was hard news to bear. As much as he admitted to still loving her, he wanted the best for her and that extended to the relationship that she desired. But what could he say? He figured anyone else in the band would be more adequate to give advice on this topic. Yet Jo clearly needed someone, and she just so happened to choose him.
At long last he'd make the decision to come closer to her. Tentatively taking a seat on the bed next to Jo, he placed his hands down on the sheets, turning his body towards hers. "Why isn't it fine?" He asked her, his watching eyes sympathetic, "Did somethin' happen? Did he hurt you?" The thought of the rather intimidating man doing something to Jo was not pleasant in the slightest, but he asked anyway, wanting to know more so he could help.
~~~
As Jo listened to Emile's questions, she drew in another shaky breath, her heart racing in her chest. "It's not exactly... He's just..." Her voice faltered, interrupted by yet another sniffle. "He's always with other women, and it kills me... You know?" Closing her eyes, a sting accompanied the tears that welled up. The constant infidelity of her "husband" had truly taken its toll on her. She was unable to say anything about it either. When they got married, she had agreed to let him pursue other relationships, a convenient arrangement for him to evade the Vietnam War. Their marriage lacked love from the start. Yet, every night he brought someone new into their home, a pang of jealousy pricked at her.
She felt so naive. She was disappointed, mostly with herself for never expressing her true feelings. Now, she sat before Emile, an emotional wreck, unloading her worries onto him. However, as he moved closer, a sense of slight relief washed over her. Though still distraught, she found solace in being heard. "It's my own fault. I told him it was alright to see other people..." Her voice trailed off, her gaze fixated on the ground. She fidgeted with the band that adorned her ring finger, staring as it glimmered in the yellow light of the room.
~~~
Emile's mouth gaped a little when he heard Jo's response, another revelation to the true nature of their relationship. He struggled to imagine what it was like, professing his heart to someone only to be the sideshow to other men. But he didn't have to look any further than the tears that fell down her beautiful face. In the back of his head he wondered why anyone would ignore a girl so uniquely gentle and cheerful, his respect for Doc souring fast. Though selfish, Emile felt he could treat her better, but the thought would disappear just as quickly as it came. Her following words would prove that it was much more complicated than he naively assumed.
He pondered for a moment, his gaze wandering down to the sheets they sat upon. From the corner of his eye, he spotted the twinkle of Jo's ring- the one that tied her in marriage with Doc. It pained his heart nevertheless to see Jo in such a state of despair. Despite what she had told him, he wanted to stay hopeful about her husband, at least to make her feel better. "I think if Doc saw you now, he'd feel bad, too..." He began, his soft brown eyes meeting her face again, "I mean, he cares about you, don't he?"
~~~
Emile's hopeful words about Doc caused her to let out a few soft giggles through her pitiful cries. She shook her head, unsure of how to respond. "I don't know... I'm sure he does care about me, but..." Jo sighed heavily, lifting her head to meet Emile's gaze, her green eyes shimmering with tears. In the moment that their eyes connected, Jo felt a sense of security for a split second. But she quickly looked away, shielding herself once again. "It's complicated, our marriage, It's not-" Jo began, pausing as she contemplated whether to reveal the truth about her and Doc.
Deep down, she trusted Emile enough to confide in him, which was why she had already shared so much. However, fully admitting that her marriage was a mere facade to protect Doc from being drafted felt risky. What if it got out to everyone? Would Doc still be spared from the war? Jo's mind spun with uncertainty, struggling to make a decision. After sitting in silence for a few moments, she spoke. She had finally mustered up the courage, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. "Our marriage isn't real, Em. I only married him to keep him from being shipped off to Vietnam..." As the weight of her confession lifted, Jo couldn't suppress the loud cry that erupted from her immediately after. "I just didn't want anything to happen to him."
~~~
Pulling his face closer during the tense pause, Emile wasn't sure what to expect. Her statement that followed split his mind in two like a clean, precise knife. Jo and Doc's marriage was fake? How was it possible? Who else knew? A million questions ran through his mind. At least once he couldn't help but think my love for a front? As soon as he looked at Jo again, however, the thought disappeared. Seeing her cry worse than before made his heart break with pity. He even felt the urge to cry himself. Now wasn't the time to think about his own wants. Somebody needed him.
But as the worst of the shock began to die down, a question stood. What was he to say? The truth about their marriage explained everything. Jo's doubt of Doc's love made all the more sense knowing their relationship was never in love to begin with. Emile rushed to wrack his brain for the right words to make it all better, longing desperately to see her happy again as soon as possible. Yet nothing came and still she cried beside him, making the job only more difficult.
At last, and without really thinking about it, Emile let instinct take him over. Slowly reaching his arms around her, he wrapped Jo in a gentle hug, his chin eventually resting on her shoulder. It was a little awkward at first and he avoided squeezing her, but his larger body was warm and the heart was clearly there. It was the most he could do at that moment.
~~~
So caught up in her emotions, she didn't seem to mind when Emile embraced her. In fact, as his arms gently wrapped around her, she instinctively leaned into his comforting hold. Jo nestled into him, burying her face into his shoulder while she wept. The act of being held by him was the only thing she needed at the moment. It felt so strange having finally told the reality of her marriage, yet she didn't feel bad. After a few minutes, she began to feel herself calm down. Her cries gradually softened, her distress easing. Although she still felt a lingering sadness, the presence of Emile by her side made her feel much better. Even after she had finished crying, she didn't pull away; she didn't want to. She knew it was simply an act of kindness from him, most likely out of pity after finding out about the truth. However, it was sweet and she appreciated it.
Jo sat quietly, occasionally sniffing, within the comfort of Emile's arms. It was an intimate moment, one that in the past would have been incredibly awkward for the two, but now she simply didn't care. She was just grateful to have someone there for her in her time of misery.
After some time had passed, Jo realized that she should probably remove herself from the embrace. She couldn't even begin to imagine how overwhelmed Emile must have felt, having to witness her emotional outpouring. With hesitation, she pulled back, her dark green eyes meeting his gaze. "Man, I'm sorry about all of that," She spoke softly, her voice filled with guilt. "But, y'know thank you for listening..." Jo let out a slow exhale, growing silent once more before she began shifting to lie down. She placed her head down, resting her hand between her cheek and the pillow.
~~~
As Jo leaned into him, Emile didn't say a word, allowing for silence to fill the room for a while. His hand gently patted her back as she sobbed, letting her know that he was still there. Deep down he sensed that the quiet was needed. The things he'd heard would need time to sink in. He couldn't even imagine how much Jo had on her own mind. Eventually his worried shock began to ebb away little by little thanks to the warmth of her body against his own. His eyes gradually relaxed and the tightness of his chest went away. It left behind a dull ache in his heart, however; one that was hard to ignore even in the intimacy of the embrace.
Once Jo eventually pulled herself away from him, Emile couldn't help but feel a temporary sense of disappointment. Just the same, he didn't feel as relieved as he would've expected upon seeing her calmed down at last. But he let her go without a word. Before he knew it, she was already lying down and he felt a rush to say something go through him once again. It was clear that she still wasn't well- not completely. As he started to pull off his suspenders, he turned his head to look at her.
"Jo, I um... I..." He paused, his gaze wandering before returning to her face again, "I really care about you." The words seemed to come out awkwardly, but with Emile's way of speaking, it was hard to tell the difference at times. "You're very brave," He went on slowly, "And you're sweet, and you're kind, and you're loyal."
With somebody else, he might've said those things in a situation like this to be kind. In the case of Jo, however, he meant every single word. He worried that he may not get a better time to say how he felt than now, even though he still restrained himself.
~~~
"Thank you, Em. That means a whole lot, really." she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. Adjusting her position, she turned her body to face him, her expression soft and vulnerable. As she thought of her next words, she bit gently on her lower lip, lost in thought. Emile's presence had brought her comfort when she needed it most, and she couldn't help but appreciate him for that. Though she still felt a lingering sense of sadness, she had become noticeably calmer than she was just ten minutes ago.
Drawing in a delicate breath, she mustered the courage to speak again, her words full of sincerity. "I really do appreciate you listening... I know it was a whole lot to put on you," she confessed, her gaze fixated on him. She shifted once more, reaching towards the nightstand to retrieve her glasses. With careful movements, she slid the plastic frames onto her face, allowing the world to come into sharper focus. Settling quietly, she grabbed a nearby pillow and propped herself up slightly, finding some comfort in its support.
Her cheeks kept rosy, while her nose remained slightly puffy from her earlier break down. Noticing Emile as he began to undress, she decided to give him some space until he was ready for bed. Despite the stillness surrounding them, she began to feel antsy. Desperate for a distraction to fill the gap between now bedtime. She couldn't bear to start getting herself worked up again. Jo reached out her arm and retrieved her book from the nightstand, seeking solace within its pages while waiting for Emile to come to bed.
~~~
"Oh, I just did what I could..." Emile bashfully replied with a weak shrug, slowly pulling his gaze away. Despite her words, he wondered if there was more he should've done. He was relieved that she had stopped crying, but just as the images replayed in his mind, he could feel her sadness linger in the room. All the while, there was so much he was desperate to say. She was far, far more to him than just the things he had said. If only he could find the words to tell her so.
Eventually he let out a tired sigh, his shoulders slumping as he began to kick off his shoes. Afterwards he stood up to take off his other clothes, pulling down his pants and then unbuttoning his shirt. It didn't feel awkward having Jo in the same room. He performed the routine rather absentmindedly, in fact. Before long he was in a more comfortable top, walking around the bed to his own side.
As he carefully joined Jo under the blanket, his eyes locked on her face for a while, fixated on the way the glasses changed her appearance. She looked older, he noted, but somehow more lovely. Only after did his gaze wander down to the book in her hands. He didn't fully lay down yet and after a small moment he asked, "Do you want to read together?" It was a common request between them and his eyes returned to hers expectantly. A gentle smile briefly tugged at his lips as he was reminded of their good times.
~~~
Jo couldn't help but smile, a toothy grin forming on her face as she heard Emile's sweet inquiry. She wasn't sure if it was an attempt to further comfort her or not, but she nodded nonetheless. Hesitating, she scooted closer to Emile's side, laying her head upon his shoulder. She rested the book between them, beginning to read aloud the words inked onto the yellowing paper. The two reading together was nothing out of the ordinary, it was a common thing for her and Emile to do. However, this time it somehow felt different. She was sure it was Emile's way of wanting to make her feel better, a way of returning the comfort she'd given him while they were traveling to New York.
The closeness shared between the two brought her a great sense of warmth, it felt relieving to be so near to someone after having broken down. She was glad to have finally gotten her issues with Doc off of her chest. Though it didn't get rid of them, she felt heard. She could finally have at least a little bit of truth out there. The only thing that lingered in her mind now was the fear of the rest of the band finding out. Jo couldn't even begin to imagine what she would do if Doc did end up getting drafted. For the next hour she and Emile kept reading, eventually the two of them growing tired. She hesitated as she pulled the book away and shut it. The moment had brought her a great sense of peace and she didn't quite want it to end. However, she felt her weariness overcoming her and slowly, she slumped under the covers, burying herself within the warmth of the blankets. She laid silently in the dark, her mind drifting to when Emile had held her while she cried earlier. It was such a sweet gesture from him, something she wished could happen again.
~~~
Although Emile, in fact, didn't think about it at the time, another reading session would turn out to be just the solution. Swiftly engrossed in the story, he barely noticed the soft touch of her hair against his round cheek and her body brushing his as she moved closer. But even he would notice soon enough that something was different. The connection between them had never felt so strong before, not even on the plane ride to New York. Back then he felt safe thanks to her. Now he felt a powerful sense of responsibility. Yet, no matter how much he longed to be there for her, there was still one big thing in the way of that.
By the time she pulled the book away, Emile's eyelids were beginning to grow heavy. In the silence and the darkness, however, that one big thing had time to show itself, refusing to let him sleep. He anxiously repeated what he'd told her moments ago. Jo, I um... I... He had just barely stopped himself from saying it. His thumbs fidgeted together as he stared at the pitch black ceiling, biting his lip. It felt like only yesterday that he'd confessed that private feeling to himself. With their intimate moment still fresh in the air, it felt harder to deny than ever. But he knew he simply couldn't share his own secret. The tears that Jo had cried over Doc were an obvious sign that she still loved him despite what he'd done to her. And what would she want with me, anyway? I'm not smart like they are. I'm not good-looking or strong or anything.
At last Emile released some of the tension with a sigh, settling on getting some shut eye. He turned over in the sheets, facing away from Jo as he tried to get comfortable. But for a reason that was hard to place, the gears in his mind remained turning. Eventually his eyes opened once more as he felt Jo's presence nearby. Purposely, he lingered on it, trying to picture her face and what she might be thinking if she was still awake. Deep down, he was desperate for some sort of sign from her. The many times he should've doubted himself in the past were still fresh in his mind.
~~~
The only sound that could be heard was the soft rustling of the sheets whenever one of them moved ever so slightly. Jo's mind couldn't stop replaying their previous encounter, the warmth and safety she felt being wrapped in Emile's arms while she just let go of everything... She hadn't felt anything like that in a while, it was exhilarating, in a strange way. She more than wished it could happen again; she was longing for it, clinging desperately onto the comfort his embrace had once brought her. She knew she needed to say something. Jo hesitantly turned her head, looking to see if Emile was still awake, however, as she shifted, she was met with the sight of his back facing towards her. She let out a soft sigh, but this didn't deter her curiosity or her hope. She slightly sat up, propping herself up on her elbow to try and see if she could catch a glimpse of his features. Still, she wasn't sure and finally decided to speak up. Her voice was soft, very hushed as she called out to him. "Hey, Em...? Are you still awake?"
Just as an extra precaution, she gently nudged his shoulder. Jo laid back down, waiting for a response. She was never one to ask for any sort of thing like this, but Emile had already seen her so vulnerable and she'd revealed so much to him during the night, this was the last thing she was concerned about. She prayed he was awake, the seconds she waited for him to show signs of consciousness feeling painfully long.
~~~
Just as Emile's eyes began to close, Jo's small voice finally broke the silence. As soon as she gave him a nudge, his eyes were wide open. It was immediately relieving to know he wasn't the only one struggling to sleep. But it was especially comforting when it was Jo sharing that with him. He couldn't imagine anybody else making him feel nearly the same way.
As he lifted his head from the pillow, he whispered a small, simple, "Yes." The tiny fact that she asked for him made him feel hopeful, although he wasn't sure what she needed. Hesitantly, he shifted back over, awkwardly craning his neck to look at her. When he gazed at her face once more in the darkness, he was overcome with the same emotion that he had longed to feel again seconds before. His lips parted ever so slightly as he looked into her open eyes, a reminder of her compassionate soul. By that point, however, relief had turned into worry.
"... Are you alright?" He eventually asked, still holding his position. Most likely, he thought, the sadness concerning her marriage had caught back up to her. After all, it must've been especially lonely sleeping without Doc. It felt only natural for Emile to assume he couldn't live up to that. Nevertheless, he waited to be sure.
~~~
"Mmhm... I'm alright." Jo nodded as she spoke, though the room was far too dark for him to see the small gesture. She kept silent for a moment, hesitant to ask the question dwelling on her mind. Despite being so forward just moments ago, now she was unsure. However, she felt bad, knowing he was likely about to fall asleep and she had just nudged him awake. With a soft sigh, she opened her mouth again, "It's silly, but uhm... Em, do you think you could hold me again?" She felt a blush creep up her neck, suddenly hit by a wave of embarrassment after asking him to hold her. She'd never asked Doc to do anything like this, so why was Emile different? He was so easy for her to confide in. They'd grown so close as of recently, she just trusted him.
Her feelings for Doc were beginning to change, now more than ever. Being able to let go of everything really let her think. Why go through all the trouble for someone who doesn't reciprocate the way she feels? Of course she still loved Doc, they were "married" after all, but there wasn't a point in trying so hard to make it seem real when it wasn't. Her time with Emile had really made her realize that. She'd hoped now her question didn't seem too strange and that Emile would happily oblige. All she really needed was just to be held, at least until she fell asleep.
~~~
The polite request was very unexpected for Emile. For a moment he was silent, trying to process what he had heard. Even after hugging her once before, the image that crossed his mind made him feel a little hot. Of course, holding her the first time didn't seem weird. Anybody else in the band probably would've done the same, he figured. But the second time felt different, it felt wrong. His secret feelings for Jo were exactly why the two of them should stay apart. Yet the excitement that muddled his good sense and his strong desire to please Jo made it difficult for him to refuse. He might not ever get an offer like this again. In his confusion, he responded hesitantly, "Um, I mean... I don't see why not, I suppose..."
By then, however, he was already turning around and shifting towards her. At first it was awkward again reaching his far arm over to Jo's other side, especially in the darkness. But before he could reconsider what he was doing, he was holding her tight, his head gently nestled against her's.
"Is this good?" He whispered next to her ear just to be sure she still wanted this. The action was meant for her first and foremost, after all. But he couldn't deny that the change was immediate for himself. Her smaller body was so soft to the touch, so warm up against his. He finally realized just what he was longing for only a moment ago.
~~~
"Yeah, it's fine." She quietly spoke, a slight smile tugging at her lips upon feeling Emile wrap himself around her. It felt as if all of her worries had flown away for the moment, especially as he rested his head right beside her's. She let a small sigh escape her lips, letting the warmth of the embrace soothe her. Emile had helped her through so much in just the span of a couple of hours and she was nothing but grateful. She knew she'd have to return the favor when circumstances allowed.
Finally feeling some sense of calm, causing the weariness that had been plaguing her to hit her head on. She let her eyes flutter shut, slightly curling up against him. The simple movement wasn't purposeful, it was only something she'd happened to do while half-asleep, yet it seemed like so much more after their time spent together tonight. In no time at all, she was out like a light, her soft breaths filling the silence of the room.
~~~
Emile stayed awake for a moment longer as he held her to his heart, her inviting smell rolling over him. Although his body was rapidly relaxing from the warmth of her touch, he didn't dare drift away just yet. The tug of words needing to be spoken was still ingrained in the back of his half-conscious mind. By that point, however, he couldn't quite remember what the words were. And soon enough, the rise and fall of Jo's chest had slowed to the gentle rhythm of sleep. The chance for whatever it was had already gone by. The thought was almost comforting.
He was only vaguely aware of her smaller body curled against his then. The unease that should've followed was replaced with a fond contentment inside of him. It easily overwhelmed all other emotions. At long last, his eyes began to slide shut as well. His gentle breaths soon joined hers as he sank into a deep sleep.